


stars that guide you home grow dim (but never fade)

by loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, I LOVE THESE GUYS TOO MUCH, Oneshot, Relationship Study, Sibling Bonding, Wrong Boy-Who-Lived (Harry Potter), Wrong Boy-Who-Lived!Neville, all of my work tends to turn into relationship studies, author likes poetic writing, burning canon to the ground, chosen family, is basically what happens, please tell me if my portrayal of autism is far off the mark!, plus Neville has autism and Tourette's, plus the angst, the Angst Is Real guys, the Longbottoms and Potters bunk together, with consideration that it's different for everyone of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-07-17 12:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16095458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce/pseuds/loosecloudymist_OperaEagleAce
Summary: stars that guide you home grow dim (but never fade)akaattempts at portraying ptsd + autism + tourette’s correctly and trying to get hypothetical relationships correct tooFeaturing wrong-boy-who-lived!autistic!Neville with Tourette's-._.+Well, long story made short, the Longbottoms and the Potters go into hiding together. In the same house.Neville and Harry grow up brothers. Absolutely family, because as Lily often tells them, blood should not dictate your life, beliefs, or family. They have two mothers and two fathers and three uncles.And then it all comes crashing down. Years later, two boys discover that it's not easy to reforge lost bonds.(Also, Neville being the /wrong/ boy-who-lived doesn't change a thing.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So…. *cough* someone mentioned their frustration with HP wrong boy who lived twin fics when Neville is right there, and although I haven't shared the same frustration the idea was calling my soul. So here it is… my first (published) HP fic...
> 
> I did spend some time researching autism and Tourette’s but I’m sure I didn’t get them absolutely perfect since I don’t have either. I know someone with Tourette’s though, and he’s p normal, just with tics. But the autism is a lot more iffy and I just finally added it because I thought it’d be nice just to get some more representation in there, and the story wouldn't let me let go of it. Please feel free to correct me. I know that not every autistic person is going to be the same, though. Plus it's all mixed up with him being the so-called Boy Who Lived and all.

stars that guide you home grow dim (but never fade)

aka

attempts at portraying ptsd + autism + tourette’s correctly and trying to get hypothetical relationships correct too

-._.+

Alice and Frank Longbottom and Lily and James Potter have been friends for what feels like forever. (Of course it does, when you've buried bodies of foes and allies alike together and cried and screamed and drank together until nothing's left except for sitting in knowing, awful silence and shivering together. …On second thought, the right term is “fellow soldiers”, not friends.) 

Well, long story made short, the Longbottoms and the Potters go into hiding together. In the same house. 

(...It helps to have more people who know what it's like.)

-._.+

Neville and Harry grow up brothers. Absolutely family, because as Lily often tells them, blood should not dictate your life, beliefs, or family. They have two mothers and two fathers and three uncles. 

(The relationship between Wormtail, Moony, Padfoot and Alice and Frank is interesting. Peter certainly resents them for holding a more genuine place in the Potter’s hearts than he does. Remus spends time debating theory and getting to know them, awkward conversation aside, until he feels very comfortable with them. Lily notices his efforts and smiles. He never quite tells them about his furry little problem - the chance that they would run is big enough that he would never risk Harry’s happiness. Sirius makes the brave but less loud and brash Frank uncomfortable a lot with his crass, obscene language, and Alice and James have to force them to sit down and talk it out. After that, Sirius is much better behaved and enjoys their company much more. It helps that the three Marauders absolutely adore both children to pieces. [One of them literally.]) 

Alice and Frank are out of the house when Voldemort comes. Lily and James fall as was inevitable. 

But when Voldemort tries to lay a spell on Harry Potter(-Longbottom), the love of his mother leaps to his defense furiously and reflects the attack, just as Lily would have done. 

(The love of a mother is never, ever, ever something to underestimate. Albus Dumbledore may be an interfering, cunning busybody, but he is correct about _ that _ . It is the strongest force in any universe, and Lily will _ always _ step in front of a fatal danger to her children. She gets many more opportunities.) 

Severus Snape, the wretched, hollow man, gets there first. He ignores the crying children in favor of perhaps the only person who ever truly cared for him on some level without any hidden intent. …The poor man. (One’s past does not right the wrongs of their present.)

Sirius Black, the careless, almost burnt-out black sheep far too prone to flashbacks, gets there second. Enough time to figure out what was going on and feel long-dormant wrath  _ surge _ like a tsunami. He plants a kiss on the forehead of both boys and remembers to send a Patronus message to Alice and Frank about what happened. Right before he leaves Rubeus Hagrid shows up - Dumbledore apparently needs to put Harry somewhere now that his parents are gone - and perhaps if Sirius was thinking clearly, he’d have saved Neville and Harry from years of separation and pain. He'd have remembered how close the boys were and how their parents would have wanted them to be together. How  _ of course _ Alice and Frank would have taken Harry in at the drop of a hat. 

But that's not how it goes. Sirius never had a true parent's love for either boy, despite being Harry Potter’s godfather. 

Harry is taken to Privet Drive that night. 

(...He cries. Of course he cries. His mother was hit with a bright green spell that prevented her from hearing them, and though she must have been sleeping, something deep inside him realizes that he's never going to see her again, not if he stays here.)

Albus Dumbledore silences the boy so that he's not a nuisance to any of the innocent folk around here until Petunia can get to him. 

-._.+

Alice and Frank are devastated. Relieved that Neville is alive, certainly, but devastated. Not only are James and Lily dead, but Harry's also taken. 

“I have doubts thanks he's even alive. How do I know? I can't see him,” Alice says to Frank, A Wreck™. He's not much better himself, but he comforts her anyway. 

“We'll take him,” Alice explains to Dumbledore. “Of  _ course _ we'll take him. He and Neville had such a bond. Neville looks around every day and he can't remember who he's supposed to see anymore. It's the saddest thing - the boys were so close.” 

“He's with relatives,” Dumbledore responds. “He's safe. But Neville needs special lessons and can't be distracted. He's the Boy-Who-Lived after all, so this is for the Greater Good.” 

“How do we know Harry's safe in the future, though?” Frank asks, clearly concerned. “He could get kidnapped, or abused. You won't tell us where he is or let us visit!” 

“It's not important,” Dumbledore says, waving it away. 

“Of course it's important to a child,” Frank reassures them both back at home. “He just lost his parents. He needs us.” 

They plan to adopt Harry when he enters the Wizarding World again.

-._.+

Harry grows up with all the scorn possible shoved in his face every day by his family and peers. He is alone. 

“Your mother was a whore and your father was a drunkard,” Uncle Vernon shouts at him at least three times a week. 

_ Blood should not dictate your life, beliefs, or family, _ a warm voice whispers in his ear. It tickles. (He loves it.) 

“Your mother was a whore and your father was a drunkard,” Aunt Petunia shrieks at him at least once a day. 

_ Blood should not dictate your life, beliefs, or family, _ a warm voice whispers in his ear. He doesn't quite understand what it means, but he _ yearns _ to.

“Your mother was a whore and your father was a drunkard,” Dudley taunts him at least twice a day, as soon as he catches on that his parents constantly repeat that sentence. It hurts more than the rocks he throws, and shouldn't Harry be over it by now?

_ Blood should not dictate your life, beliefs, or family, _ a warm voice whispers in his ear. He wants so _ desperately _ to understand. The sentence sounds and feels like such a comfort, but what do the words _ mean _ ? They're  _ vital _ , he can tell. 

“Your mother was a whore and your father was a drunkard,” Dudley teaches his classmates to chant, crushing Harry’s identity and making it impossible for him to construct one, impossible for him to escape.

_ Blood should not dictate your life, beliefs, or family, _ a warm voice whispers in his ear each time, and Harry closes his eyes and breathes out, curls up into a ball, hanging onto the sensation of someone embracing him physically and mentally. Wholly, like they love him and support him and are _ always there. _ (...No one is  _ always there _ for him. He takes comfort from the hallucinations when he can and tries his best to forget about them when they aren't warming him up inside.) 

-._.+

Harry doesn't understand until he sees a family playing in the park. He himself is swinging, for however long it will last until Dudley decides to kick him off. The parents have light skin but two out of their three children have dark sepia skin. There's no difference in how the parents treat the children, not one. 

Harry is overcome with a wave of longing and loss so acute he forgets the next ten minutes. When he comes back to himself, he's curled in a ball behind the sandbox, his shirt is soaked, and globs of sand are stuck to his skin. 

But he thinks it through and now he _ understands. _

(And he can't help but think that ignorance just might be bliss.) 

-._.+

Harry lost his parents to Voldemort ten years ago, Hagrid tells him. Neville, the boy who used to be his brother (something stirs inside him at the word, weak and pained), reportedly somehow survived the Killing Curse thrown at him. Harry got a lightning bolt scar in the magical backlash and Neville… something happened to Neville's brain. (He should have been brave and selfless and unhesitant. This is the only explanation.)

As the Boy-Who-Lived grew up, people realized that he often couldn't read social situations and didn't respond properly. Of course, the persistent stutter and throat clearing was even more obvious. But still, he had to have been blessed with exceeding magical power, right?

And _ that _ hope turned out useless as well. Dumbledore said that blocking such a spell at such a young age must have taken a significant chunk of his magic. 

Harry feels sorry for this boy, even if he doesn't know him. And… apparently they used to be really close. But now that he's so important and Harry's practically abandoned him, Neville probably won't care anymore. 

-._.+

Alice and Frank repeat and repeat “When Harry comes back for Hogwarts, we'll adopt him. He'll just _ click _ , you'll see.” It gets hollow.

Neville never manages to quite prevent himself from hoping, not with how little else he has to hope for. (No privacy and he's such a disappointment to the whole Wizarding World.)

-._.+

Harry meets Neville Longbottom, his Savior and the only other boy in the room that fateful night. Their eyes meet on Platform 9 and ¾ and it flashes through both of them, the realization that this boy is  _ family _ , is _ home. _

And to Harry, the boy under the cupboard who has yearned solely for that one thing ever since he was stuffed there, it is more than he has ever dreamed of.

(Rome was not rebuilt in a day.)

It's too much for him to handle right then, so despite Neville surging forward to catch him, Harry runs. Runs and runs and runs. 

He's only ever wanted family but now that he's found it he's woefully, laughably unprepared to face it. 

-._.+


	2. lights will guide you home (and ignite your bones)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought this story was over, did you? Haha, nope. Also, if you thought I really overblew the whole "autism" thing, this part is why i did it. 
> 
> And! Luna is featured prominently! Watch for the metaphors she talks in and see if you can get any of it. ;)

“HUFFLEPUFF!” the Sorting Hat shouts less than twenty seconds after being put on Harry Potter's head, and it's such a shame that Neville's already had his Sorting - by no fault of his.

Neville glances over to the yellow table from the scarlet one, and he sees the friendliness and easy acceptance that he's always wanted so badly. In the midst of it all sits Harry, looking overwhelmed but deliriously happy.

Neville… Neville couldn't have gone anywhere else. If he can't be brave or have lots of magic or even talk normally, then he can at least be a hero on the outside, right? He's already disappointed so many people. He can't screw up again. He doesn't want a Howler this early in his Hogwarts career.

Unfortunately, Neville doesn't have time for friends, like Gran tells him. He has to focus on training and overcoming his unfortunate weakness of cowardice and fix how he can’t interact with people normally, how the right words never come to his brain. His stutter, constant clearing of his throat, and the way that he sometimes has twitches that won’t stop. As for cowardice, he can't help it, he just gets scared by everything, but it's an abominable defect of his personality and Neville would like to rip it out by the roots.  And the same for the stutter and the twitches and never interacting with people normally - he just _doesn’t get_ sarcasm - _why_ wouldn’t people say what they mean?

(Later Harry will curl around him and assure him that being scared and anxious is normal, that it's okay and Neville can be scared all he wants, he just has to be brave anyway. And it will be easy because Harry will be beside him.)

-._.+

They avoid each other like the plague, Neville realizing that he doesn't know how to deal with the situation either, and since Neville never tries to talk to him again, Harry assumes that he's not wanted.

(Except… except, one time when a fairly standard group of Ravenclaws and Gryffindors were talking to Neville, frustrating him with literally _impossible_ sayings and stuttering and twitching like he did, Harry stopped from where he had rounded the corner into the corridor and all of a sudden stormed up to the boys.

“There’s a _thing_ called Tourette Syndrome, you _jerks_ ,” Harry nearly shrieked, shoving two of the teens so hard they staggered back, “and something called _autism._ There’s also something called _being a kind person_ and _being understanding,_  and I suggest you start _right now_ or I am going to bash your face in. All of you.” With flaming green eyes, Harry meets each of their gazes, and they flee, tripping over apologies and feet and fear.

Neville turns to Harry. Harry gives him a nod. They stand there in a bit of silence before Harry tells him, “Guess I’ll be seeing you round,” and turns around and walks away.

Neville doesn’t think to tell him thank you until a minute after he leaves. This scenario has happened so often, and that was the second time someone had thought to intervene. One time a girl named Hermione had, and Neville wanted to be her friend but she was bossy and overbearing and he was so _shy_.

Neville wanted to be friends with Harry too, but he looked like he was fine right where he was. He didn’t need someone useless like Neville. No one did.)

-._.+

Things come to a head on Halloween when the troll comes. Neville sees Harry stop and look around. Who's missing?

With slowly dawning horror as Harry slips out the door with the Gryffindors and decidedly not the Hufflepuffs, he realizes, _Granger_.

As selfless as ever, Harry goes to rescue Granger alone. Neville follows him because _otherwise Harry will get killed._ He's bad at social cues but he's pretty sure this is a big one!!

-._.+

Neville fumbles with the key and then they realize _frick, that's the bathroom._

They barge in and Harry immediately starts throwing things and shouting. Neville… freezes.

The thing is _huge._ No way they can defeat it alone. It's high on the list of dangerous creatures, magic can't touch it, it's too much. They're going to die and Granger will die with them.

“Neville!” Harry calls, barely dodging a probably fatal blow. “If you could work out a way to eliminate its club or get Granger out of here, that would be great!”

Watching Harry in action makes Neville want to freeze even more. That's what he's supposed to be. That's what everyone expects him to be. Why can't they pick Harry instead of him…? It's like Harry has battle _instincts_.

“Neville! Earth to Neville!!” Harry calls, nearly shrieking at the next few close calls. “I need some help here!”

That jolts him out of it. He puts his next response, flight, to good use as he helps Granger get over her frozen shock too. They have to clear out so Harry can defeat the thing!

“Wingardium Leviosa,” Granger whispers to Harry as she passes.

Harry ends up smashing the troll’s skull in with that spell.

-._.+

Of course the stunt comes out in the paper. Luckily, no one knows that Neville was there. It's just Harry and how he could have been the Savior and why wasn't it _him_ instead of Neville.

Neville is firmly wondering that as well, but Dumbledore apparently thinks Neville's complete wreck of a psyche is okay, because he reassures everyone that Neville just needs more time and training and not to hand over the role so fast.

But Harry won't let him go now. They sit down and talk about why they didn't reconnect before and they both share each other's grief and baggage as well as two eleven year olds can.

Neville and Harry and Hermione Granger become tight friends. Later, when a girl with stars for eyes, belief for magic, and metaphor for wisdom joins them, they will become siblings.

They share things and defend each other and accept each other, habits, traits, tics and all, when no one else will, not even the teachers. (Except for McGonagall. And that’s another story entirely.)

-._.+

Then Luna arrives second year, Ravenclaw, and it takes til third year before Neville realizes that she’s in much the same situation as he was before the troll. It’s very shameful that he hasn’t realized it before now. He gathers up his courage and when she exits the Great Hall after breakfast he uses it to make his move.

“Hey, hey Luna!” he calls out to her. She turns around.

“Oh, hello,” she says, and frowns. “Oh, oh dear. That’s a very bad infestation of nargles indeed.”

“What?” he blurts, caught off guard. “I _don’t_ have nargles!”

“Oh, nothing,” she smiles, a tiny, thin thing. “I’ll be going.”

“No, no, wait, I didn’t mean it,” he babbles, running after her. “What did I do?”

When he catches up to her, she faces him with a piercing gaze. “You are a brave knight, aren’t you.”

Caught off guard yet again, he laughs. “I’m not brave. People only want me to be, but I’m not. I always freeze up.”

“That’s a perfectly normal thing to do,” she informs him. “Why do these people’s opinions matter so much?”

“They - they always look at what I do and what I am and mock me,” he blurts, wanting her to understand. “They tell me what I should be like but I’m just _not_.”

“People don’t see what really matters,” she dismisses. “They miss out on what does. And obviously you’re missing out on it too. You’re in real danger with that nargle infestation, you know. I could get you a cork necklace to fend them off. Cork sparks happy thoughts and the nargles hate those.”

Neville, having real doubts about his safety by this point, reaches up to pat his head and his eyes search around his body.

“You can’t feel them _tangibly_ ,” Luna explains to him. “Or see them. It’s an emotional thing.”

“Oh,” he says. And after a beat of silence, “Can I be your friend?”

“I’ll have to get you a cork necklace first,” she says. “I don’t want an infestation hanging around me. It’s bad hygiene. But of course.”

“Uh, okay.”

-._.+

“I don’t necessarily see things that other people don’t,” she explains to him once, while they’re sitting by the Black Lake at night and chatting. It’s really very nice to have another person that can understand neurodivergency. “I just believe that they’re there. And that’s enough. It’s even better, I think. People with no imagination, no ability to hope or believe in the unseen, have no soul. It must be an empty existence.”

That startles a laugh out of Neville. He knows it’s not true - in an odd kind of way, the matter-of-factness Luna says these things with makes it easier for Neville to tell, like everyone always says, that what she’s saying is _figurative._ Not literally true. Everyone has a soul.

Luna leans down until her long hair brushes the water. She looks at the ripples and hums happily, then reaches into the water and tries to scoop up the reflection of a star.

“This star is very hard to hold onto,” she tells him, briefly meeting his eyes, and he nods sagely. She sighs down at the star. “Did you know that the stars in water reflect in the sky?” Neville stifles down a chuckle at how cute she’s being and says no. “Well, they do. But only in the night time because they are only able to light up fully when the light around them calms down and gives them space.”

Neville hums and just leans into her. She’s warm and soft and _understands._

-._.+

Fourth year, when Neville is drawn for the Triwizard tournament and everyone immediately starts mourning for their as-good-as-dead Savior, is when Harry doesn't let him run anymore.

Harry takes him to see the dragons, helps him through the panic, and helps him form a plan. It's terrifying when he actually has to face the mother dragon, but he clenches his teeth and stands his ground. Harry's words from barely an hour ago replay in his mind. “This is it. I know you can do it, we practiced it a million times. Now all you have to do is show these people that you can actually do things, amazing things, because you _can_.”

Neville may or may not have cried after those words of affirmation.

So Neville faces a mother dragon and breathes fire in her face and accelerates the growth of special seeds (magical snapping hairy vine) to keep her in place. It lasts just long enough to grab that egg.

Plus, when Harry is taken as the thing he holds most dear for the second task, it only takes a few words from Luna and a look from Hermione to calm him down. He makes it. That's more than anyone expected, and it's amazing, and he _can_ actually do things with magic and, like, rescue people, and maybe he's not completely useless?!

(There's a big cuddle pile that night, and Neville's eyes shine for days afterwards.)

-._.+

They also help him to learn to ignore the people that mimic his tics and try to confuse him. Even beyond the warm comfort of Harry sending the frustrating people scurrying, his favorite is when Luna calmly looks at them and says, “It must be very taxing to strain yourself that much. You have plenty of nargles to deal with - don’t look for them in others.”

Still, those people are only trying to understand what it’s like, right? They’re not close to perfect understanding but he thinks that his friends overreact a lot.

-._.+

And of _course_ , Voldemort doesn't stand a chance.

Not when Neville has the most important people in the world behind him, clearing his way and utterly supporting every inch of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, I didn't elaborate second or third year or the horcrux hunt or the final battle or anything. Yes I know, no I'm not going to do it. But feel free to write a fic to fill them in and gift it to me, or leave your ideas down in the comments! I love you all, thank you for reading. Please review~

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic. It wanted to be all pretty and poetic so that's what happened. 
> 
> Have fun headcanoning what would happen if I had continued! (If you'll notice, this is chapter 1/1 on the fic information up top.)


End file.
